A Revision to Arnold for President
by Inudaughter Returns
Summary: Can we make that old chapter book better? I think we can.
1. Chapter 1

**A Revision to Arnold for President**

 **Hello, everyone from Inudaughter. Here I have a bit of an unusual project requiring a copy of Arnold for President from Simon Spotlight, copyright year 2000. Here I have included directions to turn a read of this book into MY edited version of the story. If you have read this book before, you might have observed for yourself its hopeless tone towards politics. Its pure cynicism isn't exactly inspiring, and it relies heavily on scenes which have become cliche. Yet, there are portions in it which are worthy of being reused so I making a rewrite of the chapter book here. To make it fit with my fanfic universe, let us assume that it takes place despite Arnold and Helga both knowingly having a thing for one another. Their run-off against one another will thus, be a point of strained romantic contention. It also mandates that we get rid of anything that would rewind the story to a point earlier in the chronology of the series. So sorry, Helga is not allowed to give Brainy a punch. She was done with that after the psychologist episode. Instead, Helga is going to have to struggle with herself to NOT punch Brainy and stuff him in a trashcan instead. Also, it must take place when both Arnold and Helga are a bit older and Gerald's term as class president as referenced in the show has expired. If you're game, then please read on.**

On page 4 of the physical book we read, "The morning bell rang at P.S. 118. Arnold hurried to class through a hallway packed with kids." Read and keep all of Chapter 1, but substitute a Brainy punch on page 6 for Helga straining not to punch Brainy and putting him headfirst into a trashcan instead. Also add these lines for Gerald and Arnold after "Meanwhile, Gerald was patiently trying to convince his best friend to throw his hat in the ring," on page 8. The lines to add are:

 _"Oh, come on, Gerald," Arnold argued. "You made a great class president last year. Why don't you run for reelection?"_

 _"Nah-ah!" spoke up Gerald as he shook his head. "That was last year and this year, I figure it's your turn, buddy. You can do this! You have my support. Besides, I need a little more free time this year. But don't worry!"_

Now go back to the original book, page 8 where Gerald says, "It'll be great, Arnold! And I can be vice-president!" Now keep reading the remainder of the chapter. In this way, we have made way for the new and strengthened the integrity of the original series.

Chapter 2 becomes a little more complicated to edit. Please read and keep all of chapter 2 but only up until page 16. There is a little break with three stars. Delete everything below the three stars all the way to chapter 3. This portion is a now becoming a cliche scene of Helga worshipping her Arnold shrine. But we are assuming one, at this point Helga now sits behind Arnold at school, two the famous characters have a subtle thing for one another, and three that time is advancing. So let's scrap this trying scene for something much more fun and meaningful. Flip back to where we began to trim off. Page 16 reads, "As Arnold took his seat among scattered applause, Helga folded her arms and glanced at the ceiling, annoyed." This is perfect. We can insert a scene between Arnold and Helga here. Please insert the following text to replace what was cut out.

 _But as Arnold sat down on his seat, he leveled a gaze at Helga that was annoyed. Helga returned it with equal annoyance. Still slouched in her seat, she waited with an expression of impudence for the speech which she knew was to come as soon as class had ended._

 _"Helga," Arnold said catching Helga at her desk which was situated behind his as soon as she stood. All the other students were gathering their books together and heading for the door. "You didn't have to go so personal on me up there. I thought we were all past that?" Arnold said with a small touch of hurt. Bunched tight with defensive hunch, Helga shrugged her shoulders._

 _"You don't have to take it so personally, Arnoldo!" Helga unsuccessfully tried to soothe the boy. "Don't get your ego all bruised up over insults as slight as that. This is politics. It's supposed to be cutthroat. If I'd really wanted to hurt you then I'd take odd pictures of you and Abner and spread them all over Hillwood."_

 _"You'd do what?!" Arnold gaped._

 _"I'm just kidding!" Helga breathed out. "I won't do that to you. But don't tempt me either," said Helga narrowing her eyes at the boy as she fished some chapstick out of a pouch from her desk and smearing it on her lips. Arnold narrowed his eyes at her, not sure if he was attracted to her glossed lips or repulsed by them._

 _"Sure," Arnold said before stamping out the hall. With a sniff, Helga stared firmly in the other direction._

Now we have reached chapter 3. Whew, what a lot of work! But the work has only just begun because this really short chapter needs a lot of adjustment in tone and balance. This story is supposed to be about Arnold. So it just doesn't have enough in it about Arnold and his struggle for a skateboard ramp. They gloss over it and just what that means- how hard a feat it is to accomplish, and worse, they delve more into Helga who is meant to be a side character. She should not subvert the show here with another scene. Instead, for my rewrite, we will keep page 20 and half of page 22, where Gerald and Arnold are talking. Then, we will avoid the Phoebe and Helga scene altogether. Otherwise the chapter tastes as bad as the peanut-butter and straw sandwiches from "The Journal". What we will use instead are scenes of Gerald and Arnold discussing the skateboard ramp idea to expand the story.

 _Arnold and Gerald both knew they had little time to prepare for Arnold's speech tomorrow. But Arnold was times, a whiz kid, so he knew what to do. So did Gerald. They needed props for Arnold's speech so they found Sid, then ran down to the skateboard ramp in P.S. 119 to take polaroid pictures of the skateboard ramp they wanted to copy. While Sid was busy taking pictures of the local kids using the ramp, Stinky Peterson jotted down notes on a paper pad while wearing an antique reporter's hat with a ticket in the brim of the hat. Stinky was writing a piece for the school newspaper of P.S. 118._

 _"Well, this sure will be the cover story for the 'The Weekly Word for certain!" Stinky Peterson crowed to himself in pride. "I'll write the story myself!"_

 _"And I'll provide the photos!" Sid said imagining the glamor of his name in print. But Arnold was speaking to the local kids so he could not hear what his friends were saying. Instead, Arnold stood beside Gerald as they both faced a tall, older girl wearing a striking blue dress and her much shorter friend wearing shorts._

 _"It took a lot more than fundraisers," the stranger from P.S. 119 explained. "It took local businesses and parents' support as well. This skateboard was years in the making. A controversy at times."_

 _"Hm, well thanks for that piece of advice!" said Gerald shaking the girl's hand._

 _"It was nice seeing you again, Gerald," said the girl. "Good luck on your reelection."_

 _"Oh, no! I'm not the one campaigning this year!" Gerald corrected the tall, raven-haired girl. Her gestured a hand toward Arnold. "This year it's all about my main man! I'm helping him out to get this campaign started."_

 _"Right. Well, good luck!" said the girl. She moved on and Arnold's friends regrouped to go home._

 _"Wow, Arnold," said Sid, beaming. "This skateboard ramp is incredible!"_

 _"Yeah, well, it seems like a long shot and a lot of work to get this thing done in one year," said Gerald scratching his chin, "but it does seem like a good campaign promise to me! We'll just do it and try to get the thing done! We've a few details to work out, but I'm sure we'll manage."_

 _"Gerald," Arnold said with worried eyes. "Are you sure you'd not rather campaign instead of me?"_

 _"I'm positive!" said Gerald supportively. "This is healthy for you. Go on and give your best shot. You do want to be president, don't you?"_

 _"Well, yeah. I'm going to try anyway!" Arnold told his friend with a faint grin. Gerald clicked his finger then winked._

 _"Then you and your skateboard ramp idea will show up anybody else there, you'll see. It's good idea, Arnold."_

 _"Thanks," said the boy._

 _"Well then, let's you get you home so you can get some good sleep," said Gerald clapping his hand at his friend's back. "Tomorrow's your big speech!"_

 _"Yeah!" Arnold smiled._

Now we have reached chapter 4. It can be kept its entirety with one subtle difference. Let's add, the following right before the chapter text begins:

 _The time for the great debates had come. Mr. Simmon's lectern had taken on new meaning as a podium draped with a broad decorative ribbon- perfect for making campaign speeches. On either side of the podium were chairs for each candidate for class president and both Curly and Rhonda took their places in them. Helga took one of the seats furthest from the podium and, with an angry expression, crossed her legs and arms to wait. That left one empty chair for the final candidate- Arnold. But instead of sitting in the vacant chair, Arnold stood to the side of the other candidates, listening carefully to a few last words of advice from Gerald. Gerald had prepared his best friend well for this speech- he had convinced the blond-haired boy to wear his best- a black tuxedo suit. Gerald adjusted Arnold's tie before letting the boy out of his grasp. Jabbing his finger under his collar and pulling at the neckline to ponder if he was slightly overdressed, Arnold sat down to wait for the other candidates'' speeches._

Cross out "the next day" to increase the flow after this . As one final touch, add these words to chapter 4.

"With a slightly awkward lapse," before "Arnold stepped up to the podium, thinking, why do I always follow the ones who just got the biggest laugh?" Now change the rest of the paragraph, page 28, to "But Gerald gave him the thumbs up, so he spoke. A camera, used by Sid, flashed in the background. It seemed Arnold and his friends were taking this campaign very seriously." These are the only edits I suggest for this chapter.

Chapter 5 begins with a bit of a repeat to the episode where Gerald and Arnold attend a talent show, so I say cut it. Let's skip to page 32. This is where the story begins to go very wrong. It is also the place where we can make it so much better. So we can keep the portion of Helga's scene on page 32. Do not turn the page over yet. Add this.

 _"But Helga," said Phoebe. "Why do you want to do this? I thought that you and Arnold are friends."_

 _"Yeah," said an annoyed Helga. "But what about me? I crave this presidency! Why does ol' football head think he can up and grab the position for himself without a fight?! Because he's a natural cherubim or somethin'?! As if! No stinkin way I'm giving up without a fight! I'm going to prove his whole campaign is lameo. Pfft! If you ask me, ol' football head has sunk to a new low. This whole skateboard ramp thing is as big a bribe to our classmates as I've ever seen. Vote for me and have lots of cool fun! Yeah, sure like that has anything to do with what actually happens inside a classroom. You know, where there's supposed to be a class president?"_

 _"I see a conflict of ideology," observed Phoebe._

 _"You think?" said Helga lifting an eyebrow. "Like I want Arnold and his stupid skateboard running over me everytime I go the jungle gym. It's a wonder that kid hasn't been put away for a hit-and-run. But still, even I have to admit that a campaign promise like that is a brilliant tactic. Which is why I'm going to cut him off at the knees."_

 _"How would you do that, Helga?" flinched Phoebe._

 _"By building that skateboard ramp first!" said Helga. "Ol' Arnoldo can't take credit for something someone else has done, now can he?"_

 _"You mean, you're going to steal Arnold's idea?" Phoebe gasped._

 _"Like he can sue me for copyright infringement or something?" Helga knocked on wood. Then she lifted a hand up and swung it in a dismissive gesture. "Nah that'll never happen! Trust me Phoebe. This school needs a real leader like myself. Not AR-NULD," said Helga making a goofy face. But Phoebe's attention was directed down the hall._

 _"Shh!" Phoebe hissed in panic. Helga had herself had begun to walk, and as they did so, they neared the lockers of Arnold and Gerald. The two boys were up ahead, standing outside their half-open lockers as they chatted._

Now you may read page 34. It works.

Chapter 6 lies ahead. If we reuse everything from page 35 and page 37, also all but the last paragraph of page 38, then we have a really tense and emotional scene to write the tail of. In fact the tension is so high, only one thing makes sense. A serious argument between the two friends. So look to the third paragraph of page 38. It reads, "Arnold gave Helga a look he almost never used on anyone: a cool-as-ice stare. He stared at her for a long moment, then turned back to his books."

In fact, let's keep some lines immediately following that, too. "Helga felt a chill pass through her. Arnold was actually mad! Really, really mad!" That is all from chapter 6 we will use. We will also not use any of chapter 7. It has so many rehashed lines it's sickening. It also feels like a rip-off of the plot from the class float episode. Why we have to tolerate Wolfgang's presence and why Arnold is friends with him is beyond me. How would Wolfgang have known so much about the actions of grownups and faculty anyway? It's outside his area of expertise. If Arnold had asked him how to do a good uppercut, Wolfgang would be the kid to ask.

Now we have plenty of space to work in before chapter 8. Remember what I said about a disagreement between our two, romantically inclined heroes? Also recall the much maligned episode where Arnold and Helga hatch an egg but go through the emulation of a divorce? Also, do you recall Rhonda's and Nadine's fight in "Best Friends"? Most importantly, please recall the time Arnold poured paint on Helga in "Girl Troubles". There is a precedence here, a theme of conflict we can naturally draw on. This leads me to this- the fallout.

 _Debating politics was only a brief portion of the morning, fortunately. But the remainder of the morning did not improve. Arnold did not seem to return to his usual warm, demeanor. If anything, the air in the room seemed to get colder, until Rhonda got up from her seat._

 _"That's it!" Rhonda stated out loud for the rest of the class to hear. "I'm going to my locker for a thicker sweater! It's way cold in here!"_

 _"I'd turn up the thermostat," said Stinky Peterson. "Only I don't think that will help with nuthin!" Arnold slowly got up to his feet. Btu her did not turn his angelically blond locks of hair around. Instead, with a cold and silent fury, he began to empty his school desk._

 _"Wha… what the heck are you doing, Football-Head?!" Helga cried in panic. Arnold only gave her a dirty glare._

 _"Moving out," the blond-hair boy said with bone-chilling severity. Arnold gathered his schoolbooks and ruler to his chest and stamped across the room to a desk at the far end of the room. He dumped his belongs in it, then looked miserably out the window, his chin curled against his wrist as he looked out the glass. Helga swallowed hard in anguish. Even when he was angry at her, the boy was painstakingly beautiful._

" _Hah! You think you know me so well, Football-Head?" snapped Helga. "Who needs you?!" she lied. "Phoebe get over here! You sit here now!" Helga demanded her best friend. Helga pointed fiercely at the now empty desk and chair before her. Phoebe immediately stood up from her own chair._

 _"Moving!" Phoebe said obediently. She obeyed but sunk deep into the chair as if she longed to sink into it where no one could see her. Both Arnold and Helga kept giving her glances, making her the center of their mutual anger for one another. But Gerald, too, glanced at Phoebe frequently with a sad, miserable smile. Phoebe sunk even lower._

 _Lunchtime came with no emotional respite for either Arnold or Helga. If anything, things got worse, because Arnold and Helga bumped shoulders at the line in the school cafeteria. At conflict this time was the stockpile of fresh tapiocas. Narrowing her eyes, Helga grimaced at Arnold._

 _"You want this?" Helga snapped. Giving in to old, bad impulses, a furious Helga purposely dumped a round paper container full of tapioca pudding on Arnold's hair. There was a slightly satisfying smoosh. But then, Arnold surprised all present by snatching up a second bowl of tapioca pudding for the table and upending it on Helga's head. Toe-to-toe, both kids glared at one another._

 _"Arnold! Cool it man!" Gerald rebuked his friend._

 _"Humph!" Helga said before stomping off, her fists clenched tight as if she were tempted to use them. But instead of bashing Arnold, Helga tossed her lunch tray into a bin and stamped out to the schoolyard. She hid behind the school dumpster and took out her Arnold heart-shaped locker. She lay her wrist over her eyes so she could not see the daylight as she mourned._

Now reexamine page 39. There is text we can use, after all. This is the text:

 _"Oh, Arnold," she breathed, barely a whisper. "I've always loved you. And I've always pretended to hate you. It's been our little routine. But you always seemed to forgive me." And just then, in that moment, Helga deeply regretted everything she had said the campaign._

This bit of text will work if we add these significant words, "But maybe none of it was worth it. Maybe this campaign wasn't worth driving you away!"

Ouch, this feels like deja vu. But at long last, we get to chapter 8 and we can use all of it with a few tweaks to page 47. Is it really such a good idea for Big Bob to still be dealing with Nick after what transpired in the movie? Perhaps a different name might be used.

Chapter 9 can also be used pretty much as is, except remember the kids are older now than they used to be.

Chapter 10's beginning is also useful- more useful than the original writers intended. Remember what I said about it having a cynical, defeatist view of politics? I hate defeatist, so let's carry the plotline forward to overcome the spirit of defeatism here. What is the only thing that can defeat a despot? The solidarity of a united people. So we will let Curly run the role as villain here for little fun. Then we will vanquish evil with good for happy ending. To start this process, use chapter 10 all the way to page 58. We should use the paragraph which extends to the next page. This is:

 _"Mr. Simmons called after Curly as he disappeared down the hall. "Curly? It's only one-fifteen. Curly, where are you going? Come back!"_

At this point, we have reused most of the book and begin to add new material. Let's shift Arnold and Helga's reunion back to the classroom. School has not dismissed yet. Pages 59 and 60 have not occurred. Add this.

 _Students filed back into their seats when lunch period had ended. A weary, sighing Helga lowered herself into her chair and flickered her eyes sorrowfully toward the empty seat. Any moment now, Phoebe would be filling it- her replacement for the boy she had driven away with her cruelty. Helga rested her hand on the lid of her desk and opened it look inside. At the bottom of her desk was a half-torn, construction-paper valentine. Helga's lip trembled._

 _"Helga?" came a voice from just before. It wasn't Phoebe as Helga was expecting. It was Arnold with his books and a school ruler in hand. The boy stood nervously at the edge of the desk he had occupied up until their latest feud._

 _"What are you doing?" Helga nearly snapped, but she managed to keep her tone of voice mostly level. She stared, her eyes wide and hopeful._

 _"Moving back in," said Arnold quietly so as not to make as scene. "That is if it's alright with you." Helga's face grew crimson hot._

 _"No, no! I mean, yes, yes! Do anything you wanna!" Helga said shaking a hand before crossing her arms and slouching in her seat. "It's no skin off my nose. Hey, Phoebe?" Helga told the approaching girl. "Go sit somewhere else!"_

 _"Going!" Phoebe sung with a delighted grin. She sat down at her old desk beside Gerald. Helga kept both her eyebrows lowered to their most southern-point, then relaxed one of them to fold upwards with curiosity._

 _"Say, Arnoldo? What gives? Aren't you… well mad at me? I… was mean," Helga admitted out loud at last. Her eyes fell._

 _"Well, I was," Arnold admitted. "I was really, really angry. But I guess I wanted to thank you for what you said today. It took guts."_

If you've noticed, we've begun to use some of the text on page 59. Use the final paragraph, then all of page 60 but disregard the picture. This scene should occur in the classroom instead. That's a cruel amount of typing, but you now a have a better-than-ever revised version of Arnold for President. But if you want to find out what happens at P.S. 118 with Curly for President and see more Helga and Arnold, then read chapter 2 of this fanfic post. Thank you and all the best from Inudaughter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay to recap, I have begun this fanfic with a rewrite of Arnold for President, a book published in 2000 by Simon Spotlight. The chapter book does not fit in with the original series and contradicts it in places, so I have offered a rewrite that streamlines it with the original series and my fanfics. If you can not get a used copy of this book from an online source, or if you do not have a copy yourself, then perhaps I can help prepare you for the remainder of my fanfic by giving you a brief synopsis of the events of the rewrite based on the original book. I can not give you all a full-script version because that would be copyright infringement for sure. Here is my synopsis.**

 _Arnold for President begins with Arnold and Helga reliably running into one another. (Which makes me think Arnold should never be allowed behind the wheel of a car. Hmmm.) Helga acts grumpy but is swooning for Arnold. She espouses her love for Arnold to her locket, then is passionately angry at Brainy for lurking. I have her toss Brainy in a trashcan after she stops herself from socking him. Mr. Simmons announces the class will be voting for class president. Gerald, former class president, convinces Arnold to run this year. Phoebe nominates Helga and Nadine nominates Rhonda. Curly nominates himself as the final candidate._

 _The next day, all of the candidates make their first campaign speeches. Helga makes some unpleasant, moderately insulting comments about Arnold as a candidate. It is the beginning of strife between them, because Helga really does want to be class president and remains unconvinced by Arnold's warm-hearted speech._

 _Arnold and Gerald go home to Arnold's house to plan their campaign. Arnold comes up with one really, good-sounding idea of promising his classmates a skatepark for their playground. In my edited version, Gerald uses some of his political experience to take staff from the school newspaper and Arnold over to P.S. 119 to speak to the students there and see the famous skatepark for themselves. With this example in mind, they hope to convince their fellow classmates to vote for Arnold so he can work toward building one for their own school._

 _Arnold experiences a bit of hesitancy, but with Gerald supporting him, Arnold pitches the skateboard park idea to his class at their next meeting. Helga continues her vitriol comments toward the rest of the candidates and is especially angry about Arnold's skateboard ramp idea. She plots with Phoebe to find a way to steal Arnold's idea. This she accomplishes by going through her father to support a local skateboard project spearheaded by the fifth graders as a vital co-sponsor. Then, during the second round of debates, Helga calls Arnold liar and idea thief when in truth, poor Arnold only had the misfortune of arriving at the skateboard park idea independently of the project her father is now involved in. But the assault on his reputation is too much for Arnold to bear. He gives Helga a really angry stare, then moves out of his desk in front of Helga to a place far across the the classroom. During lunchtime, Arnold and Helga bump elbows in the lunch line and throw pudding on one another's heads at a low-point in their friendship. But Helga mourns Arnold's anger at her and tries to make it up to him by making a retraction in her next speech. She tells the class that Arnold is not a liar and that she herself had exaggerated. Arnold forgives Helga and moves back into his old desk in front of her. The two decide to be friends again. But Curly has given his fellow students coupons for free icecream. The majority votes for Curly and when he wins, Curly runs down the hallway screaming in diabolical laughter._

 **And now, Chapter 2 of my Rewrite for Arnold for President**

"I can't believe! I just can't believe it!" Rhonda Lloyd complained looking up at a the corner of the classroom's chalkboard. "Would could have ever imagined that Curly would become class present. It's unthinkable! It's even more unthinkable that he ran against me!" Rhonda slapped her chest with her palm as if she anticipated to suffer a heart attack from her shock.

"It's okay, Rhonda," her best friend Nadine spoke as she examined the board. Rhonda crossed her arms with a humph.

"This wouldn't have happened if you'd voted for me!" Rhonda snapped. But Nadine took her ire calmly.

"I did vote for you, Rhonda. It's just that the vote was split. Think about it, Rhonda. Four of our class were candidates. Everyone's best friend voted for their best friend. That left just Sid, Stinky, Harold, Sheena, Eugene, and Iggy to vote and all of them were very happy to support a president who promised free icecream."

"But the skatepark!" Gerald staggered out. "Who could have said no to that?"

"Well, there was the whole argument between Arnold and Helga that ruined both their credibilities," Nadine elucidated them. "But mostly, no one really cared all that much. Harold is really bad at skateboarding. Iggy is unfriendly with Arnold. Sheena doesn't have a skateboard, and Eugene is banned from using them on school campus after what happened to Principal Wartz. It's even in the school code."

"I wish we had known all that," Gerald pouted with a heavy frown. His tall-hair drooped as he bent his head forward in .

"Don't feel too bad about it, Gerald," spoke up Phoebe from nearby. "These kind of outcomes are notoriously difficult to predict." Phoebe tucked her arm into Gerald's to make the boy feel better.

"I'm sorry, Arnold," Gerald breathed out with remorse. "I failed you, man."

"No, you did not Gerald!" Arnold objected with fierce loyalty to his best friend. "I didn't think of these things either, and maybe… I could have acted better myself. I'm sorry that I didn't get it together sooner. I just let things get to me and well… maybe I got a little crazy," said Arnold ruffling his bangs with one hand. A silent Helga watched the motion, one eyebrow lifted with curious-delight as she observed Arnold's face. Somehow he looked even more beautiful than ever during this confession.

"Phoebe?" Helga said calling her best friend's attention to herself. "Come on, let's go take our campaign posters down." Helga began her slow march away. Phoebe tottered after.

"Hey! And you can do us a favor and take our posters down, too," Gerald shouted in complaint after them. "Seeing as you'ave papered over them!" With an eep, Phoebe buried her nose in her spiral notebook in shame. But Gerald had really been shouting to Helga, who looked dully unrepentant Maybe they would get pulled down and maybe they wouldn't.

"Well, let's go home, my man," Gerald said to Arnold with optimistic cheer. "Tomorrow's a brand-new day!"

"Yeah!" Arnold said. The two strode off toward the nearest school exit.

Cars were hurdling down the streets with clockwork impatience the next day when Arnold and Gerald walked to school. They pressed the button at the crosswalk, waited, then walked across when their walk light flashed. Then they arrived at their school, which could be beautiful at times with its brick and mortar. The school janitor, Varkas, was busy scrubbing graffiti off a corner of the building to ensure it stayed beautiful. A police car rolled to a park beside the school's speed limit sign. It parked on the corner where Arnold and Gerald crossed, perhaps to pull over any speeding cars.

Thaddeus Curly Gammelthorpe was not exactly an ordinary boy. His fellow classmates had long known the boy to have extraordinary behavior, and now that he was class president, his acting out was more to be expected than his election had been. Curly did not disappoint in this regard.

Arnold pressed himself forward through the classroom door and stopped still at his desk. He looked toward the back of the room in shock. At her desk, Helga lifted half her brow and grinned with mirth at his expense.

"Good morning, Arnoldo. You like our new despot-of-the-year?" Helga jerked her head sideways. At the back of the room, Curly had moved two desks together to make one. On his head was a monarch's crown and leading all the way up to his seat was a long red carpet. Curly sat at his desk, his hands folded together calmly but wearing a maniac grin.

"Maybe I should have voted for Rhonda," Arnold acknowledged.

"You think?" Helga quipped. "Oh well, Football-Noggin. It ain't all your fault. It's mine, too! I'm as much to blame if it makes you feel better."

"Thanks," said Arnold sitting down in his chair. Mr. Simmons entered the room. It would be interesting to see what he had to say.

"Alright, class. Now…. Curly? What's going on? What have you done there?"

"I'm Emperor!" Curly declared wearing his wide grin. Mr. Simmon's face twisted up with an expertly suppressed frustration.

"Ah, Curly, you were elected class president. Not emperor. Maybe we should go over the details to make sure you understand."

"Ha!" Curly barked from his desk. "It's my crown, peon!"

"Yes, Curly? I get the sense you aren't listening to me. Curly?" Mr. Simmons struggled. Helga rolled her eyes.

"This is the beginning of a LONG semester," observed Helga. With a firm frown bending his lips downward in a pout that Helga always found adorable, Arnold blinked at the scene unfolding in his classroom. But at least Helga was happy. At least she had Arnold's consternation to watch.

 **To be continued.**


	3. Chapter 3

Curly was now class president. In an unforeseen turn of events, history had proved once again that civilization itself is a defiance of nature- of man's roguish unpredictability smearing Thoreau's precious Walden into the ground for its own perverse and whimsical pleasure. Yet, conversely, the booms and busts of humanity have always been some symptom of a larger trend- the illnesses or strengths of society come to a fateful outcome because the man can never overcome or exceed its primal instincts.

Despot ideas swirled in the head of Thaddeus Curly Gammelthorpe. Arnold tried to ignore him by chewing on his peanut butter and grape sandwich. But as loudly as he chewed or no matter how open-mouthed, Arnold could not help but notice what was transpiring a few tables away. Under Curly's direction, Sid and Stinky were spreading a red tablecloth across the surface of one of the cafeteria's best tables. Both of Arnold's classmates now wore red boys ties and held towels across their forearms as if they were professional waiters. Silent, Sid and Stinky frowned mildly as Curly gave them a maniac grin and a thumb's up.

"Good job!" Curly declared. He propped his black shoes up on the tabletop and leaned backwards as cozily as if he were in a beach chair. As consequence, everyone could see his red, striped socks all the better.

"Now bring me a bottle of expensive European mineral water!" Curly crowed with his feet crossed on the table. "Rhonda my dear, care to join me?" Rhonda stopped dead in her tracks. She had been trying to scoot by as fast as possible without being noticed, but now she whirled around on her heel instead.

"No thank you!" Rhonda sniffed. She carried herself and her lunch away to the other side of the room, leaving Curly alone with his frown.

"Ah, but here's my meal!" Curly said in comfort to himself as Stinky carried a piping hot Salisbury steak to the table. Curly propped a knife and fork up on either side of it before digging into his meal.

"Seems Curly's still on his powertrip," Helga observed as she dug into her own lunch at the table shared by Arnold, Gerald, Phoebe, and herself.

"Yup!" Gerald agreed as Arnold grimaced deeper with horror. The boy paused his eating to stare distastefully at his sandwich.

The next evidence they had of Curly's mania was when they all arrived at the school supply store. Phoebe fished a dollar out of her pocket and held it up to the counter for Sheena.

"I'd like to buy four pencils, please!" she chirped. Sheena took the dollar but shook her head.

"I'm sorry but I can only sell you one pencil!" Sheena chirped. "Pencil rationing!"

"One pencil?! That's nonsense!" Gerald complained, squaring off his feet. The boy took a quarter out of his own pocket and set it on the counter.

"One pencil!" Gerald declared as if in victory. He received a single yellow-colored pencil from Sheena, then handed the pencil he had just bought to Phoebe. A very frustrated Sheena slammed shut the roll-down window to the store, then hung up a closed sign. Gerald shrugged.

"Sorry, Arnold!" Gerald apologized to the boy who stood in line behind him. Arnold had his own dollar bill out.

"That's okay, Gerald. I still have some pencil left before the stub!" Arnold said consolingly. It was then that all three kids heard a loud, "psst!"

"Say, I can sell you one pencil for seventy-five cents!" Sid said as he held up one side of his leather jacket. Whole rows of pencils were strapped to its interior.

"Seventy-five cents?!" Gerald complained, his eyebrows lowered with rage. "Why would I be willing to pay that?!"

"Well, the trick is I can sell you as many pencils as you'd like!" Sid whispered conspiratorially. But just then Harold and Helga walked up to Gerald.

"Bah, don't listen to Sid!" Harold complained loudly. "He's working for Curly. And Sheena's working for Curly, too!"

"Oooh, this is good dirt, good dirt indeed!" Helga said while scribbling away at notepad with her pencil. Its tip broke and she looked down at in disdain. But Sheena, at her counter, looked away from the despondent Helga with a sniff. She wasn't about to offer to sell a sharpened pencil to Helga.

"This is crazy!" Gerald complained. "Come on, let's go! We can go to the stationary supply store on Vine street any ol' time!" The kids all strolled away. Their footsteps brought them back to their classroom door.

"Man, rationing pencils!" Gerald sniffed. "I wonder how he pulled that one off!" Then Gerald swung the door open. Inside, Curly was seated at his desk. He had a cup full of multicolored pencils on his desk.

"Hey, Curly!" Gerald grimaced. "Haven't you heard? There's a pencil ration going on! One pencil per student! Don't you think that's a little unfair?" Gerald folded his arms and glared at the full pencil cup.

"Ha! Shows what you know!" Curly grinned with glee. "Rules are for peons! They don't apply to me!" Angry but still level-headed, Gerald and his friends walked away to the distant side of the small classroom.

"Man! I kinda wish I had re-run for election now!" was Gerald lament as he threw up his arms. "But I didn't know this would happen!"

"No one did, Gerald!" Arnold consoled his best friend. Phoebe rested one of her hands on Gerald's shoulder to peer up at the boy with concern. She and Gerald exchanged a soft, tender, comforting smile with one another that made Arnold's eyes flicker away to create a moment of privacy for his friends. Then he smiled at them.

"Maybe we can talk to Curly. Maybe he'll calm down and consider our viewpoints!" Arnold voiced with hopeful enthusiasm.

"Or maybe he'll have a goldfish fountain built in the schoolyard with his name on it and his bust on the base of it," Helga said pointing out the school window.

"Curly? What's that?" Arnold gingerly asked the mad boy.

"A much worthier project than a skateboard park!" Curly grinned. "Principal Wartz agrees with me!"

"I can see why!" Helga said tipping her eyebrow. A statue of Principal Wartz was part of the fountain, too. Water spurted out of the part that looked like Principal Wartz's face.

"I don't know if I can stand this!" Gerald said as he let down the blinds to the room. Curly gloated.

"It's nothing personal!" said Curly. "I'm just a much better president than you!"

"Huh!" a black-haired, red-sweatered girl declared in a loud, strong voice as she swayed into the room on her short-peg-heeled shoes. "I don't know if I can stand this, either!" Rhonda Lloyd grimaced, her face full of disgust. "First of all, everyone, including you Curly, fail to vote for me as President! Then all of you continue to express a lack of appreciation for fashionable galas. I mean, all I was trying to do was bring a little bit of culture to all you neolithic-minded creatures! We could have elected me and I would have planned out at least one FANTASTIC school dance each semester. I could have even fund-raised for a really good field trip, to an upcoming fashion shop perhaps, but no! All of you failed to understand my superior creative vision!" Rhonda sniffed with hurt. Curly blinked hard with a true frown on his face. After all, Curly still had a crush on Rhonda. Thinking hard, the wire-haired boy rubbed a hand under his chin in thought.

"Rhonda my dear! My sweet, crisp-coated praline!" Curly purred with his arms outstretched across his desk. "How about I appoint you as Chairman of the Society 118 Board? You can plan as many events as you wish, my dear, so long as they get their final stamp of approval from me!" Curly flicked a thumb backwards towards himself. Rhonda stared at a wall, lost deep in consideration.

"Well," said Rhonda, her eyes flickering towards Curly. "Can we discuss redecorating the bulletin boards in this classroom, too? I mean, that boring old poster of the list of American Presidents has GOT to come down!" Rhonda purred with content. She smiled across the desk at Curly.

"Of course!" Curly said with swagger. "How about we continue to discuss our business arrangements by the water fountain?" Curly suggested while waggling his eyebrows. Rhonda shuddered for a moment, but then, suppressing her revulsion, Rhonda and Curly went out of the classroom arm in arm. Gerald made a face like he might be sick at any moment.

"UN-BE-LIEVABLE!" Gerald said.

"I know, isn't it?" Helga stared off in the direction of the blackboard with content. "Well, at least it isn't boring around here! And no, Arnoldo! The world isn't ending!" The girl studied the boy before her as he sat at his desk.

"Well, no. It's just getting a little weird around here," Arnold answered her gravely.

"I agree with ya there! I guess the only thing we can do is wait until tomorrow and see what new horrors it will bring."

Fretful or not, Arnold and his classmates all arrived at school on time. Mr. Simmons was prompter than usual. He fidgeted at his podium, his eyes wandering over to Curly from time to time. Was Curly really wearing a caped costume today, the balding school teacher wondered to himself. It was hard to tell from where he stood. Mr. Simmons rubbed his eyes.

"Uh, Curly, can you stand up and solve this equation for the class? Please?" Mr. Simmons asked while holding up a piece of white chalk for the boy to take. Curly got out from behind his desk. Just as Mr. Simmons feared, the boy was wearing a blue cape and a leotard, as well as a most peculiar spotted T-shirt and matching ears. There were giggles and stares.

"Helga!" Curly directed as he found a pair of feet dangling in his way between the narrow aisle of desks. Curly pointed downwards toward Helga's shoes before snapping with rage. "You're in the way of the President! Show respect for your betters!"

"Oh, so you want me to Moo-over, huh Holstein boy? Well the ears are cute but not that cute. What doing a promo for the ol' ice cream stand?"

"Ha! You're just jealous that I, Emperor Curly, look smashing in a leotard!" Curly said while snapping his superhero cape tight to his shoulder in what was supposed to be an attractively, dashing gesture. Helga shook her hands out like two high-fives in disgust.

"Woah, woah! Don't capture my imagination, small fry. It'll go places we don't want it to go." Curly continued onto the blackboard. The math question read, "3x + 23= ?". Curly scribbled his name down on the board with the piece of white chalk.

"The answer is Curly! The answer to everything is Curly! Mwahahahaha!" the boy said, breaking out with maniacal laughter.

"Um, Curly? What's the matter with you? Are you not feeling well?" Mr. Simmons flustered. The man behind the podium looked nearly nervous enough to faint.

"What's the matter with me? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with everyone? All of humanity is flawed." Curly cackled. "Vote for Thaddeus Curly Gammelthorpe!" the boy said while making large peace symbol with his fingers. The boy whirled his cape around him and marched back to the desk.

"Wow. The boy might try to work for infomercials!" Helga uttered as she rapped her pencil like a percussion instrument against the wooden surface of her desk.

The next day came. Arnold peeled back the wrapper of his sandwich from his bagged lunch, then looked down the table at his friends. He smiled at them. "Well at least nothing strange is happening today," the boy remarked. But Gerald did not share his optimism.

"Yeah," Gerald said with great gathering doubt. "Who knows how long that will last before Curly does something again!"

"Actually," said Phoebe who was setting herself down in a seat next to Gerald. The girl had bought a hot lunch instead. "Curly is having a funeral for his pudding today. He dropped it three minutes ago," Phoebe explained. At Curly's "presidential" table, candles had been lit and everyone clustered around it were wearing ties and a grim frown of mourning.

"Oookay!" said Arnold. He shifted his eyes away from disturbing scene.

"Well, actually," said Phoebe catching her three friends' attentions. "There is something I wanted to share with all of you! When you are finished with all of your lunches!"

"Alright!" Arnold said, eager to be agreeable. After they had all thrown their trash away at the rubbish bin near the door, they all followed Phoebe through the exit to the school playground. Arnold and Gerald might have continued strolling forward, but Phoebe ducked between the two boys and tugged them to stop their strides forward.

"Stop!" Phoebe belted out in her soft voice before she dropped her voice to a hissed whisper. "Come over this way!" Helga, Phoebe, Arnold, and Gerald all snuck along the edge of the brick school building to the chain link fence on the corner. They hid within the shrubbery.

"Look!" Phoebe scouted ahead. "I don't know how he's done it, but Curly's recruited both Wolfgang and Edmund to do his bidding! See!" Phoebe pointed ahead. Both Edmund and Wolfgang were wearing sashes across their chests. There were shiny medals pinned to the sashes as big as the deputy badges in old cowboy films.

"Phoebe's right!" Sheena spoke suddenly from within the bushes. She poked her head out next to Gerald. Her friends could see she was wearing a beanie cap.

"Hey! Aren't you working for Curly?" Gerald asked with a mild frown. Sheena frowned back with guilt.

"Well, I was for a little bit. Then his demands became too unreasonable. Then Curly began a massive campaign against all those who wear beanie caps. He's had them thrown into the dumpster. Eugene and I wore them in solidarity with the other kids but maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Eugene got thrown into the dumpster, too.

"I'm okay!" a voice echoed out from far away in the dumpster. It was as if Eugene had guessed that his friends were thinking of him.

"Oh, wow! That's terrible!" Arnold lamented. He, Sheena, and the other kids crept away toward the safety of the school building while Wolfgang scooped up some beanie-wearing kid they didn't know and chucked him into the dumpster.

Where to go? Arnold, Gerald, Phoebe, Sheena, and Helga all gathered beneath the service pipes in the school basement. They clustered round a simple table placed in the center of the room before the water heater. Both Helga and Sheena now wore matching blue beanie caps.

"Okay!" said Helga pushing her beanie cap up off of monobrow as she stretched herself out over a diagram on the table. "We've got to stop Curly's madman behavior! Even I can't take it anymore! I mean, he's trying to bully the bully? Who does he think he is?!"

"Yeah!" Harold agreed from under the table. He had been curled up underneath it. After starting with shock, the other kids helped Harold out from underneath the table.

"Harold?" Helga asked her friend. "Weren't you working as one of Curly's henchman?"

"Nah!" Harold declared. "I figured it was my patriotic duty or somethin' until Curly told me to rewrite all of the history textbooks for class. I can't write an entire book! That's too much work so I ran away!"

"Well, that's not exactly a reason I was expecting but you're welcome here, Harold," Helga said with dangerous sweetness. "Unless you rat on us and then you'll get my fist much worse than ever Curly or Wolfgang could!"

"Okay, okay! I won't rat!" Harold waved Helga's rage away. "Besides going along with what Curly says is really getting on my nerves! I just want things to go back to ordinary and simple and boring so I'll I've gotta do is play baseball and eat munchies!"

"Yes, Curly's actions might negatively impact our daily lives," Phoebe observed. "But more importantly, our core values of justice, equality, and liberty might be trivialized during Curly's regime. It is just as the old American saying, which is sometimes but unprovenly attributed to Thomas Jefferson goes, 'When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty'." Phoebe quoted. "It is something I can not forget as a proud citizen born in Kentucky!" Phoebe shouted, laying a hand against her chest.

"Kentucky existed at the same time as Thomas Jefferson?" Gerald asked as he squinted one of his eyes shut, his chin placed in his hand as he did some serious thinking.

"Well, yes they did. Thomas Jefferson was American president, effective March 4, 1801 to March 4, 1809." Phoebe shifted her glasses then continued. "Kentucky became a member of the Union on June 1, 1792, to be precise."

"Huh. You mean it wasn't one of the original thirteen colonies or something?" muttered Gerald as he thought back on what he knew of history. But Phoebe glared at him.

"It was 15th state to join the country, Gerald! Fifteen out of fifty is a pretty good score!" Phoebe hollered at Gerald fiercely.

"Woah, woah! Babydoll, there's no need for anyone to feel hurt here," Gerald soothed his sweetheart. He placed a hand on either shoulder. Phoebe took a deep breathe, then heaved a sigh.

"Right. Sorry everyone. I guess I'm a little tense."

"Yeah? Well, I'm in with you guys," said Harold. "After all… I heard that…. Well I heard that it is hope, not despair, which makes successful revolutions."

"Oh wow, that's inspiring. Who wrote that?" asked Phoebe. "George Washington?"

"Nah. My fortune cookie," answered Harold. "Give me the beanie cap!" His eyebrow lowered, Harold put a blue beanie cap on his head to match Sheena and Helga's.

"For Eugene!" Sheena said, her fist pumped high in the air. Off in the schoolyard, Eugene was muttering his famous line again.

"I'm okay!" Eugene shouted for someone to hear. But only Wolfgang and Edmund stood next to the dumpster.

"Shut up in there!" the bully said raping the steel box with his fist.

"Um, so what are we going to do?" asked Sheena, still in the basement. After such patriotic speech, everyone fell silent.

"Well, I suppose we should try and get Eugene out of the dumpster!" Arnold offered helpfully.

"Right. I suppose we can do that," said Helga. "We might offer Wolfgang twice as much as whatever Curly paid him."

"It was five dollars!" Harold said holding up his fingers. "Well, five dollars for each of them."

"Humph!" Helga sniffed. "That's chump change. I'll take care of this. I'll pay Eugene's jail bond. Or I'll just wait and see how long their attention span is. They can't wait around the dumpster forever. Then we'll sneak over there and fish out Eugene. And any other incidentals we find," said Helga walking her fingers as if they were people's marching feet.

"That's so kind of you, Helga!" Sheena beamed. But Helga's mood soured.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just like Santa Clause. I keep giving and giving even if financially it makes no sense."

"Helga, I'm not so sure that will work in the long term," Arnold countered. Helga glowered across the table.

"Oh, Arnold, you don't have to be such a naysayer all the time."

"No, really Helga!" Arnold continued forcefully. "Think about it! We have to get Curly to listen to us somehow. We have to get him to behave more reasonably. I think we should speak with him face-to-face. Get him to know our feelings and find a peaceful resolution."

"Well, really Arnoldo! If you wanna play diplomat for us go ahead! But I don't know if Curly's in a mood or mind to listen," Helga disagreed firmly. "But I think we should do everything we can do to fight him from here!"

"What do you mean?" Arnold asked nervously.

"Well, think about it!" Helga asked, pacing. "It's called a country by the people, for the people! Now why do you think that is?! It's because we do a lot of things for ourselves. You don't have to be president, Arnold, to fundraise for a skateboard park! Gerald, you don't have to be president still to be a leader! You can help Sheena with the ecology club or something! And Rhonda doesn't have to kiss up to Curly to have parties. We can have parties on our own without Curly's approval. And me? Well, I guess it's tragic I wasn't elected dictator instead of Curly but I can have fun causing trouble for him. I'll start a polling agency or something and write nasty articles for the "Weekly Word" or somethin'! Things are finally getting exciting enough to print around here." Helga said crossing her arms around her waistline. She then smiled dreamily.

"Lady of chaos," Gerald complained.

"Oh, I will be someday," Helga promised. "But for now we should really be focusing on ourselves. We can rule ourselves- find our own solutions for everything we can- without Curly. And sure, Arnoldo, if you can keep our names out it, by all means stand up for the little guy! Try to get Curly to listen. If anyone stands a chance you do. So we'll all do our own thing."

"What can I do?" Phoebe asked eagerly. Helga shrugged.

"I dunno. Become an inspiring novelist or something."

"Will do!" Phoebe said giving Helga a thumbs up.

"Yeesh, well I'm tired of talking so I'm gonna scram," Helga declared as she stomped for the door. She dragged Harold along with her.

"We'll keep in touch," Gerald promised with a tranquil grin. Phoebe hesitated a moment before tottering after her best friend.

"So Arnold?" Gerald said turning to his best friend. "Do wanna give that skatepark thing a go again?" Arnold stretched his arm up and rubbed the back of his neck in thought.

"Well, okay. Let's do this!" Arnold said cheering up. He and Gerald prepared for their friendship thumb shake.

But in the warm light of the afternoon, many months later, the two boys did their friends shake handshake again. The two boys now stood beside a recently completed skatepark instead of a dark basement. Both boys wore sashes with tiny badges on them, as did four five-graders nearby. They all stood beside a red ribbon, waiting for a ribbon-cutting ceremony to begin.

"And now!" one woman said moving to the microphone. "I would like to applaud all for their bold, sustained, community effort! I would like to thank the fifth graders, current and graduated, who first began this project, as well as the two fourth-graders who joined it help bring this project to fruition! Arnold and Gerald!" Adults and school kids clapped all around them. "And now! Ava Sporken, the first to come forward to me to work with community leaders to agree on a design, will cut the red-ribbon!" Arnold and Gerald both clapped.

"Well, we didn't get the glory," Gerald remarked as the clapping died down. "But we did help. That's something!"

"Yup. And Curly's still president," Arnold heaved a sigh. "But at least we accomplished something. Maybe our other friends will, too."

"Yeah, Phoebe's working on an encyclopedia of the history of P.S. 118. To counter Curly's strange stories about himself, I guess. Helga's gotten involved in the newspaper again, even if it has a new editor."

"Who?" Arnold asked.

"Brainy, of all crazy things!" Gerald shrugged. "Well, the skatepark's open! You wanna give it a try?"

"I've been waiting for months!" Arnold laughed. "Let me go grab my board!"

Arnold fished his blue skateboard out from under a bench. Gerald grasped hold of a red one and held it aloft. But before both boys could get in line at the start of the skatepark course, they heard a mighty crash. Helga stood beside Eugene at the sidelines. Eugene had just skated through a tall stack of paint cans to skate into a cement wall. Helga peeled the boy off the wall like a sticker from a windowpane.

"Hm, that has an almost artistic charm, if I do say so myself!" Helga complimented. She smiled as Arnold and Gerald approached to check on Eugene. "Look, boys! As an added bonus, every time you pass by this paint smear on the wall you'll remember not to skate into it!"

"What are you doing here, Helga?" Arnold asked flatly.

"What do you mean, what am I doing here? I can be anywhere I like!" Helga grumped.

"Hmm." Arnold acknowledged. It seemed that Helga was stalking him again. "Say, Helga?" said Arnold, abruptly thinking of something to say. "I'm sorry how we argued so much about the skatepark. Especially since, well, one got built after all. And now I know there's just so much I didn't know back then."

"Well, I didn't know much, either!" Helga shrugged. "I just wing it most of the time! But really you aren't the suave president Gerald is. You don't have to feel bad you didn't make president, Arnold. That's not your hat and that's okay. You're the skatepark kid, and that's good in own way, too." said Helga.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Arnold said. "Coming from you."

"Yeesh. Whattaya expect?" Helga leered. "I don't do compliments. And I don't ride skateboards, either. I was just checking out the place."

"Okay," Arnold smirked. "But are you sure you don't wanna stick around and watch? I'm gonna practice a few tricks!" Arnold promised. Just then, Eugene whirled by and ricocheted like a pinball off the landscape in ways never intended.

"Maybe, but I don't think you'll ever show up Eugene when it comes to spectacle," Helga observed. Eugene had skated and flown away somewhere off the horizon to leave them wondering where he went. The end.


End file.
